What Does It Mean if Your Girlfriend Doesnt Want to Kiss You? (10 Reasons and How to Fix Them)
If your girlfriend turns away when you try to kiss her, it can be tough to know what’s going on. Does it mean you’re a bad kisser, or is there something going on with your relationship? We know it can be anxiety-inducing, but don’t worry. We’ve put together a quick check-in on personal hygiene and common reasons for avoiding smooching, so you can work to solve the reasons behind why she doesn’t want to kiss you.’
1 Your breath isn’t the freshest.
Brush your teeth, pop a mint in your mouth, or chew gum. Since smell is an important part of attraction and how we perceive others, your girlfriend might be turned off if she catches a whiff of your last meal. Before you see her or before you go in for a kiss, freshen up your breath.
2 One of you has chapped lips.
Use lip balm and stay hydrated to keep your lips soft. Chapped lips make kissing feel unpleasant for both parties. If she’s the one with chapped lips, you can give her a cute lip balm set or a gift bag with lip balm, lotion, and other spa-related items so she doesn’t feel embarrassed. Before you go in for a kiss, you can even use your lip balm and casually offer it to her.[2]
- Pull out your lip balm and ask if she wants to use it, saying, “Hey do you want some?”
3 She doesn’t like your kissing technique.
You might be using too much tongue or pressure. You might even be biting her or causing her pain. Don’t worry, just like everything else, kissing takes practice, but it’s something you can improve. Try to stay relaxed in your body and lips, and take note of what kissing technique your girlfriend uses so you can mimic it.
- Let your lips lead and keep the tongue to a minimum (at first). Then follow her lead and try the level of pressure and tongue motion she uses.
- When in doubt, ask “How do you like to be kissed?”
4 You’ve recently argued or she feels disconnected from you.
Reflect on the quality of your relationship. Has anything changed lately? Holding back on physical affection might be your girlfriend’s way of communicating that something’s wrong—even though it can be really distressing and frustrating for you. She might be withdrawing if she doesn’t feel heard or understood. Start a conversation with your partner about your needs in the relationship as well as hers.
- Ask open-ended questions that don’t rely on blaming one partner. For instance, you can ask, “What’s missing from our relationship?” or “What can we do to make our relationship better?”
- Reader Poll: We asked 1103 wikiHow readers what they’d do if they noticed a lack of connection in their relationship, and 50% of them agreed that they would initiate a conversation with their partner to address the issue.
5 She’s stressed, busy, or upset.
Provide emotional support to help her feel better. If your girlfriend has a lot on her mind, she might not be in the mood for kissing. This may be the case if she temporarily seems to be uninterested in kissing but is usually enthusiastic about affection. The good news is your relationship is probably doing fine! While she’s going through tough times, empathize with her feelings to foster emotional intimacy.
6 She’s anxious because she’s out-of-practice.
Be patient and reassuring when you talk about kissing. If you two haven’t kissed in a while, she could feel self-conscious, the same way you might feel nervous about kissing someone new. She might even feel nervous if you’re going to be her first kiss!
- Give her a compliment to reassure her. Try saying (either before or after a kiss), “Do you know you’re a really good kisser?”
7 She’d prefer a casual relationship without emotional intimacy.
Ask her about how she defines your relationship. She may view your relationship as a “friends-with-benefits” scenario rather than a partnership. Since some people view kissing as more emotionally intimate than physically intimate, she may prefer not to kiss you if she wants to maintain emotional distance.
- Start a conversation by stating what you’ve observed, “I’ve noticed you turn away when I try to kiss you.”
- State how her actions make you feel, “I feel rejected and worried when you don’t kiss me back.”
- Gain insight by asking what’s wrong, “Can you tell me about why you don’t want to kiss me?”
- Clarify your relationship by saying, “If you were to put a label on it, how do you view our relationship?”
8nShe thinks kissing comes with expectations for sex.
Communicate your intentions if she’s worried about intimacy. Since couples who kiss more often have more sex, if she has a lower desire for sex than you do, she might be concerned that a make-out session will lead to more physical intimacy than she wants. Whether or not you’ve slept together before, let your partner know what you’re thinking about when you go to kiss her so that you can be on the same page.
- Start a conversation about intimacy in general by asking, “What level of intimacy are you comfortable with? Is it okay if I kiss you?”
- Clearly ask for consent by posing the question, “Can I kiss you?”
- Clarify your intentions by saying, “I want you to know that kissing doesn’t have to lead to sex if you don’t want that.”
9 She’d prefer to kiss in private.
Check in with your girlfriend before you try to publicly kiss her. If she pulls away from a public kiss, she might be uncomfortable, but it’s not about you! Everyone has a different level of comfort with PDA (public displays of affection), so be sure to ask about her boundaries and comfort level before you try anything.
- Ask your partner, “How do you feel about kissing around other people?”
10 She’s just not a fan of kissing or touching.
You might not be doing anything wrong. Some people don’t like certain kinds of physical touch, and your girlfriend just might not like making out. While you shouldn’t try to pressure her or try to change her mind, you can ask what other forms of affection she’d be okay doing.
- “Would it be okay if I hugged you or held your hand?”
- It’s okay to want physical intimacy. If not kissing your partner is a “deal breaker” for you, you might consider ending the relationship.
- If she seems uncomfortable when you get physically close, like when you put your arm around her or hold her hand, there’s a good chance she won’t be comfortable with you kissing her, either.
Many people know this! Studies show that swallowing your partner’s semen
Some of you have been asking me lately if it’s
safe to swallow sperm. The brief answer is “yes,
but…”, there are exceptions. And the long
answer is coming now. My name is Helena Nista,
I am a sex therapist and a tantra practitioner.
And this is the place where I answer all of your
questions about sex. So you might have heard
before that semen is rich in different nutrients
and minerals. And that is true. It contains small
amounts of sugars, calcium, sodium, potassium,
magnesium, lactic acid and proteins among other
elements. All of the ingredients in semen are
safe and when swallowed they will be digested just
like any other food. However, if you’re hoping to
get your daily dose of protein from ingesting
semen you’ll be disappointed because protein
is only about 5% of the entire ejaculate. So you
would have to consume a lot of it to really, for
that protein to really make a difference in your
system. And if you’re concerned about calories,
there isn’t much to worry about. An average
ejaculate contains between 5 and 15 calories
which is equivalent to about a stick of gum. When
it comes to the taste of semen, of the ejaculate,
it really varies between, you know, different
people and depends on who you ask. A lot of
people report that it tastes salty and bitter.
But to others it’s more of a sweet taste. And it
might have a lot to do with the taste buds of the
person actually doing the swallowing. But I would
think that it has more to do with overall health
and diet of the men producing the semen. However,
having said that, there is no actual proof that
a particular diet will affect the taste of the
semen in any way. The only evidence we actually
have is more anecdotal then scientific in nature
so we don’t know for sure. But it does seem that
the diet rich in fruit and vegetables, and whole
grains can contribute to a better taste, while
a diet full of processed foods and cigarettes,
and coffee, and alcohol can contribute to more
of a bitter taste. If you’re prone to anxiety,
stress or depression, there is some evidence
that suggests that semen could act as an
anti-depressant and a mood booster. There was
this very interesting study conducted back in
2002 which showed that women who were exposed,
directly exposed to semen, without any barrier,
without a condom, so they were exposed to semen
on a regular basis – they showed fewer signs of
depression and they seemed to be in a much better
mood than the ladies who weren’t exposed to semen
on that same kind of basis. This definitely sounds
interesting and like a lovely side effect of
swallowing semen. But we do need more research
in this area. There’s also this connected idea
that semen could act as stress relief because it
contains oxytocin and progesterone and both of
these hormones are known for their mood boosting
qualities. And if all of that convinced you
sufficiently that swallowing semen is a great and
safe idea, let’s have a look at the risks. First
of all, there are the STI’s. If your partner –
the gentleman who is producing the semen – is a
carrier of an STI, that STI could be transferred
to you through the oral sex contact and through
the act of you swallowing the sperm. So the
bacterial infections like gonorrhea or chlamydia
could actually affect your throat. And if your
partner is the carrier of the herpes virus,
that also can be transferred to you through the
skin to skin contact. So before you even consider
giving your partner oral sex or swallowing
his semen, make sure to have a conversation
first – when was the last time both of you were
tested for STI’s and whether there is something
that you should be aware of or worried about, and
hence take certain precautions. Another risk when
it comes to swallowing semen comes from the fact
that certain people are actually allergic to it.
This condition is called human seminal plasma
hypersensitivity and it is fortunately extremely
rare. This is something to be aware of just in
case you find yourself having an allergic reaction
after swallowing semen. The symptoms might
include pain, itching, swelling, redness, hives or
difficulty breathing. So if that happens to you,
definitely make sure to see a doctor, especially
if you’re experiencing difficulty breathing or if
you’re having any kind of severe reaction. But in
conclusion – if you are not allergic to semen and
both you and your partner have been tested and you
are free of any STI’s, yes, swallowing semen is
perfectly safe. And if you’d like to figure out
whether swallowing or spitting is the right option
for you, make sure to watch this video next!
